Roadblocks

On By The Quiet RoarerIn Faith and Life

It was amusing. I could see my husband was trapped in a conversation at church with a particular individual who occasionally “corners” my hubby and then bombards him with a myriad of hard-to-follow stories interlaced with his passionate opinion on certain issues. My very gracious husband patiently listens, and attempts to engage Bob (not his real name) in a two-way conversation…but it rarely works. I could see from my husband’s body language that his patience was wearing thin, and he kept giving me a pleading “come rescue me” glance as I sat enjoying conversation with some women at a table nearby.

My husband was caught in a communication roadblock.

Roadblocks are conversation killers and are caused when somebody is:

  • listening only to reply, not to understand
  • moralising (telling the other person what they should do, say or believe)
  • advising (giving the other person the “solution” when it hasn’t been asked for)
  • talking over the top of what someone else is trying to say

Criticising, judging, gossiping (it’s true that whoever gossips to you is also likely to one day gossip about you), excessive use of closed questions, or lack of reciprocity are also communication killers. And this is just a few of the roadblocks!

Communication roadblocks increase the emotional distance between people and hinder true connection.

I have been guilty of every type of communication roadblock and I am sure you have too. Yet what we say and how we say it are important to God otherwise scripture would not contain admonitions such as “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…”

Relational connection is at the heart of God’s heart. We can all seek to improve how we communicate with others. Instead of resorting to communication roadblocks that hinder relational connection, we can learn to build relational roads, listening well and being present with others and honoring what they are sharing of their world with us, and vice versa.

Of course, we can only control the way WE communicate, and not the way others communicate with us.

So…did I rescue my hubby?

No. My friends and I were having a good conversation which I didn’t want to miss out on! 🙂

©Quietly Roaring 2023. All Rights Reserved.

This post has been revised and updated from 2021.

9 thoughts on “Roadblocks”

  2. Funmi's avatar Funmi

    I love how you admit that you didn’t save your husband from that conversation 😅.
    Thank you for sharing and I’m definitely guilty of some of these roadblocks. I’m forever a student of learning to communicate.

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  3. Jo this is so very applicable to, I would imagine, every human on the planet. Me in particular. Thank you for sharing this very relatable post and methods of improving our communication. As you say: “we can learn to build relational roads, listening well and being present with others and honoring what they are sharing of their world with us”. And I should add I have been known to rescue my exceptionally patient husband from roadblocks by calling him on his cell phone with an “emergency”. 🙂

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  4. I too have been guilty of these road blocks to communication. (I’ve also been in your husband’s shoes!) Somewhere along the way I began to admire the listeners–those who demonstrated with facial expression and body language that they were truly engaged, who did not interrupt, who asked thoughtful questions, and didn’t jump in with “What you should do is . . . ” I’m still on the learning curve but improving, with God’s promptings along the way!

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  5. I somehow missed this post when it was first published. I’m glad I found it now.
    There’s a person at my church who is a master of the conversation roadblock! No matter the subject, this person makes the conversation about them.
    I miss your presence here on Word Press. I hope all is well.

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